Valentine - by Serena Haneline

Oh, Valentine. Where is my happy Valentine? What has this day become for us, whether we are in love or out?

For the happy couples, Valentine’s Day is a day for roses, teddy bears, chocolate, and romantic dinners – all in an attempt to rekindle the feelings of being in love. And for those not so happy couples, it’s a day they wish they could rekindle those feelings. Some may be wondering if love has left for good.

And for the “single” people out there, it’s a time to wish they could bury themselves for one day a year. The unmarried, the divorced, or the widowed find themselves with no significant other on the day of the year that boasts romance from every corner.

It is unfortunate that today all we have is the word “love” and we use it so haplessly. We love the things of the world: pizza, a new car, a job. We love our friends and our family. But then we also love God.

But do we even know what the word means?

In Greek, there are three words for love: eros, philia, and agape. Eros is passionate, intense (mostly sexual) desire. Philia is friendly affection. Apage is love that is selfless and sacrificial.
As children of God, we are to have all three loves in our lives. All of these come from our Father who is all three in one. We usually don’t have a problem with two of these. Eros seems to come easily for us, as this is a natural desire. And most of us have friendly affections (philia) for most people, especially those we are close to.

However, agape is the one that constantly trips us up. Especially on Valentine’s Day. We think of this day as a day for eros and philia love.

But what about agape? What is that kind of love? Most people describe this love as “unconditional” love. But it’s much more than that. This is the love we are commanded to love God with and others. It is an “unself” love that is ready to sacrifice and serve another. When was the last time you loved like this?

When was the last time you thought of someone else before yourself? Their feelings instead of your own? Their needs instead of your own? Their pain, their problems, their issues, instead of your own?

Can Valentine’s Day be more than a day when we spend money on things that won’t last and more time on things that will? Jesus told us that people would know we are His by our love. Do they?

Is our love more like that of the world? Do we base our entire marriages as believers on eros or philia love? Do we base them on just feelings of love? Is this why half of our marriages, just like those of the world, fail? Is our love as singles lacking because we lack the eros or philia love of a significant other?

Love is more than a feeling. Love is a choice – a choice to sacrifice ourselves, our feelings, our desires, for the good of someone else. God first, then others.

Even our enemies. Ouch. We don’t like to go there. It is easy to love those who love you, but what about those who hurt you? Those who offend you and persecute you and hate you? Yes, agape love is to extend even to them.

I believe that we can only know this kind of love, as we get to know the God OF love. As we experience His love being poured out on our broken, wounded hearts, can we begin to pour out the same love on others who are just as broken and wounded.

This is what love is (according to The Message Bible):
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.” (1 Corinthians 13)

I dare you to begin to love like this. Especially on Valentine’s Day – the day of love.

Serena Haneline works in administration at a preschool in China Grove. She has a Bachelor's in Journalism & Religion. She has done some freelance writing in the past. She is now attempting to write (and complete) and novel.